so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
