White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
