I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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