No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
