I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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