I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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