Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
