just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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