I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
