he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
