I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
