I don't think brook has ever known best
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
