just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
