It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
