R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
