Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
