I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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