chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
