So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
