just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
