glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
me + whiskey = a bad person
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
