Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
