just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
