and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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