ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
