i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
