You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Swine flu. Run for my life!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
