Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
