RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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