i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
