If i come over, it means nothing
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
