i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
