Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
