their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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