The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
