yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
