I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
