Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
