I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
