You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
