At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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