barbara walters just said penis...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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