I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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