My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
