I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So. Much. Porn.
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