Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.

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(419): it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants. http://tfl.nu/uvta

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(916): View more from California

Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be

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(916): Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be http://tfl.nu/iw79

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(917): View more from New York City

i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.

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(917): i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him. http://tfl.nu/coq9

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.

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(262): yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him. http://tfl.nu/mcsp

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(509): View more from Washington

They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.

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(509): They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried. http://tfl.nu/h9l8

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(330): View more from Ohio

If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.

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(330): If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor. http://tfl.nu/a98x

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...

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(978): FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong... http://tfl.nu/4k47

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(208): View more from Idaho

Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.

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(208): Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping. http://tfl.nu/191q

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit

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(203): Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit http://tfl.nu/qeew

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(847): View more from Illinois

Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one

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(847): Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one http://tfl.nu/3ht8

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(909): View more from California

I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.

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(909): I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird. http://tfl.nu/vyym

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(626): View more from California

So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?

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(626): So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room? http://tfl.nu/5xcr

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(760): View more from California

so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.

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(760): so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up. http://tfl.nu/rvmx

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(469): View more from Texas

I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.

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(469): I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way. http://tfl.nu/iucx

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?

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(717): there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right? http://tfl.nu/jd9g

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