I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
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Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.