Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.