Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
