I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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