Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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