Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
