I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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