It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
