Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
