Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
