There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
is it fun? or sober?
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