I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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