I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
