last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
