Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
