I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
