i just sent this text using only my big toe
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You may now shotgun with the bride
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
