haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
