You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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