I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
