Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
