Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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