please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
