Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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