You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
