I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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