I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
