put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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