After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
